An Estranged Parent's Journey in Life & Death: Part II - Reactions

There are five children who survive my natural father; my four brothers and me. We each had our own reaction to the news of his death and each will grieve in our own way. Facts are that he was raised in an apparently dysfunctional family unit as a child, and as it often happens he carried forward that legacy. My older brother and I were probably the most effected by his lack of parenting skills. Like older children we went before our younger siblings enabling them to avoid some of the pitfalls that lay before them. I am sure they too suffered their own challenges with our father, but my hope is that my older brother and I took the brunt of the physical abuse away from their life's journey.

Though we all seemed to adjust to the estrangement of our father, the distance between us and the manner in which he parented us would greatly determine our reactions at his death. My older brother appears to have resolved to live his life as though our father were someone he once knew but had no connection with, so the news of his death was received as such. Two of my three younger brothers and I shared a sorrowful sentiment for his passing and I've yet to talk with my youngest brother. What of my reaction then?

As the only daughter it was harder for me to give up hope that one day he would "get it." During my twenties and after having two children of my own, I accepted him for who he was, forgave him and simply kept track of where he was to avoid hearing about his death weeks, months, or even years after the fact. Even though I had prepared myself for this eventuality, my reaction to the details of his death was much different than I had anticipated. It was far more painful to imagine him being involved in an accident cause by a massive heart attack on an interstate than to imagine him passing peacefully in his sleep. So my initial reaction was shock tempered with sorrow, for this man who aided in my existence.

I believe that we will all agree that the passing of our natural father will inspire us to appreciate each other more, encourage us to communicate more frequently, and strengthen our lives as we share in our joys and sorrows as a family.


Related Posts: Part I - Notification, Part II - Reactions, Part III - Discovery, Part IV - A Full Military Honors Ceremony,
Part V - The Ceremony & Update from Biloxi, Part VI - Lessons Learned

Is it a good thing or a bad thing?

Three weeks ago I started working part-time at a company that has a great team of people. There are drawbacks though, from no benefits for health insurance, dental, or vision, no pension or retirement plan, pays only once a month and for the better part of the year you only work 28 hours per week. Today I found out that the only way to increase one's hourly rate is to increase the amount of sets of books we complete each month. In order to get a raise you need to successfully manage TEN sets of books. There is one woman there that has been there for five years and is still making the same amount of money as when she started. My boss said it all depends on how hard you want to work for your money. If we want to make a dollar more per hour then we need to get our skills honed to take on those ten sets and soon ... sigh ... wish me success! There are benefits that tend to make this job a desirable one, like a great cast of characters to work with, a Spanish class on Mondays and Thursdays, and three day weekends. I hear tell there are paid holidays, a holiday bonus and a tax season full of hours to stock up on the months with less pay. So, for now we work.